Are there “Androgynous” Lady Killers?

Much has been written about all kinds of talents which make a man a great lover. The list is long, and there is no specific formula.

Increasingly, there are mentions in the media that one characteristic of a significant percentage of great male lovers is androgyny, which means that a man has so-called feminine qualities such as kindness, tenderness and consideration. Androgynous men are not to be confused with feminine men. The word derives from the Greek word, androgyne, which means a combination of a man and woman. Androgynous men are supposed to have other bisexual characteristics and, not infrequently, are also supposed to have male lovers.

Generally speaking, throughout history the subject of bisexuality has been cited as part of the human condition. (More about this in later posts).

History is loaded with bisexual events even with the gods. Way back in India, the Hindu God and procreator of life, Prajapati, split himself in half into a man and woman. Both halves then copulated with each other in order to produce a child. Also, I remember seeing a 17th century painting of the Roman gods, Mercury and Venus, where their offspring was Siamese- twins connected having both male and female genitalia.

In Betsy Prioleau’s excellent and surprisingly comprehensive book, Swoon, she examines what characteristics make a man a lady killer from way back in history to today. There’s a chapter entitled, Androgyny, along with the quote, “The more feminine the man…the higher the hit rate with the opposite sex.”  Her point, and that of many other current writers, is that androgyny is a part of bisexuality. She cites some interesting male examples such as the poet Lord Byron and Socrates’s drinking buddy, Alcibiades. Her apparent favorite deals with the great actor of the past, Gary Cooper- and he was great. She attributes his enormous success as an incomparable ladies’ man to his “ravishing androgyny.”  Over his long career, he slept with many a damsel and almost every one of his leading ladies. Women fell all over him to lure him to their lairs. In the movies he was a “real man… with quick fists and nerves of steel. But women saw a different side of him. Six foot three and “more beautiful than any other woman except Garbo,” he merged a feminine sweetness, tenderness, and artistic sensitivity with his masculine swank.” Wow!

Those of you who follow my posts know that I consider the results of studies, surveys and opinions of many experts in the field of sex are not as reliable as those in medicine or physics. That’s not to say I don’t respect them- I do-  but they do make me wonder as I do about the androgyny factor.

I decided to bounce the androgyny theory off – you guessed it- G. The following is, with edit, G’s take on androgyny:

“Lorenzo, we both know there is no answer. The most effeminate guys  turn women off. It’s the same with the real crude, rough guys. Some lady killers are not androgynous and some are. And, the androgynous pushers are making the questionable assumption that tenderness, consideration and sweetness are mainly in the female personality and are exceptions when found in a man. When a woman comes across a guy with these “feminine characteristics” they are, for some reason, overwhelmed by the unexpected and want to hit the sack with him.

“Honestly speaking, over the years I did have conversations with more than a few of my lady friends about the ingredients which make a man a superior lover, and they did sometimes mention kindness and all the rest. But to repeat, lots of guys are kind and women rate them as masculine duds. And though not recorded as much as their victories, great lovers, androgynous or not, are turned down by lots of women.

“To repeat, there is no specific formula, and it all boils down to whether the guy impacts a woman’s brain neurons- in one way or another. Sex is all about the BGL or Brain Genital Law and how a man and woman connect with their neurotransmitters creating the powerful chemistry of attraction. It’s what the neuropsychiatrist, Louann Brizendine, calls the “brain architect of love.”   It’s a combination of factors each suited for different couples.  Researchers still don’t get the BGL.

“Now that we’re talking about it, here’s something that more than a few ladies told me about why they were highly attracted to me- Lorenzo, I’m not singing my praises – and which I’ve never read about. It’s unpredictability. They never knew what I would do next which excited them. It was like a sexual adventure with an unknown outcome where they’re going to where they’ve never been before. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that unpredictability is a huge magnet to women’s sexual desires. Some guys have it and some guys don’t.”

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