In my study I have piles of publications on a variety of topics ranging from medicine and science to sex. The other day, I found a few dealing with the acrobatic acts of women during sex. All enthusiastically embraced the belief that such acts dramatically increase the mental and physical pleasures of female sex. Nothing was mentioned about the men.

Some of the positions discussed are “being on top”, “doggy style” and another without a name. The latter is when a man is standing and stroking away while the woman is on her back on some type of platform such as a kitchen sink or the hood of a car. Being on top was rated as the most exhilarating experience because a woman feels in charge which creates the powerful fantasy of domination. And regardless of the type of acrobatic sex, “dirty talk”  or “fantasy talk” by the man was considered essential to maximize the pleasure hit. No description of the nature

Now I’m no prude and have been around for a long time, but there’s little real solid clinical data on the pros and cons of acrobatic sex. I’m excluding dungeons and whippings from this category. It’s interesting to note that “69” was not mentioned.

Once more I called G and, as usual, he burst out into laughter when I asked him the lead questions whether he had experiences with acrobatic women and, if so, what happened?

“Sure I did: Many times. I would  guess that out of the approximate 300 women who I’ve been with, maybe 20- plus or minus.”

I then told him about the acrobatic articles and wanted his take on them  based on his personal experiences.

“Lorenzo, rather than ask me lots of specific questions, let me briefly tell you my overall view and some experiences for, believe it or not, there’s some subtle psychology involved. You mentioned to me, as an example, about gals sitting on top and having fantasies of feelings of power which I’m sure happens. But, frankly speaking, acrobatics was never a main part of my sexual encounters. The more I think about, and I haven’t really thought about this in depth, I would classify them as diversions and not the primary- pardon my pun- thrust of my encounters. And, come to think about it, except for a couple of events, in the book I didn’t mention the acrobatic ones.

“Anyway, getting to being on top- I never encouraged it because I don’t like it. It was always the women who took the initiative, and, I would say, they generally, but not big time, enjoyed it. The younger ones, however, enjoyed it more than the older ones.”

“G, why is this?”

“People don’t realize that it’s a lot of work for a woman, and the younger ones can physically handle it better. A couple of the older ladies got significant  thigh cramps which was a negative hit. Lorenzo, you don’t see older female acrobats at the Olympics!”

“G, did I hear you right? You said you didn’t enjoy it but over the years most guys I know say they really like it. Why didn’t you like it?”

“Lorenzo, my doctor friend, you’re the reason! When you were a young doctor, you told me about a guy who came to the emergency room in utter agony screaming to beat the band. He had a fractured penis and couldn’t pee. His bladder was about to burst followed by life- threatening peritonitis. It was necessary to reconnect the severed urethra  by ramming a rod through the muscles of his penis up to the bladder, and, if I remember correctly, without anesthesia! I asked you how this happened, and your answer has never left my memory bank. The guy had a hard-on while the lady was on top making big time vigorous movements which led to his fractured pecker. Then you told me that this scenario was a common cause of a fractured penis. So every time a woman sits on me, I think about the potential of having a rod rammed through my penis, and I’m, needless to say, very, very careful about how it’s done and do my best to get it over with without ruining the woman’s pleasure.

“If I ever have sex again with a woman  who wants to be on top, I can tell you that request would be diplomatically rejected.

“ If guys knew about this problem there would be a dramatic reduction of penis-sitting and, I’m not kidding, an increase in sitting on the face. There’s something about “sitting.”

“What’s your take on doggy style and the one without a name?”

“We used to call doggy style ‘the Eskimo position” because that’s how, as I understand it, our northern neighbors do it. I also think that’s the position babies are delivered. Anyway, unlike being on top, I was the one who initiated the position, usually as a minor diversion in a heavy domination scene. It served a purpose but, now my memory is not clear on this, there weren’t many great lady orgasms. But to repeat, it wasn’t meant to do that but just to keep the ball rolling.

“Regarding the no-name position, in theory, it, like what I said about muff-diving before, offers the potential of a man’s and woman’s pelvis to become more closely connected than when in bed.  Unfortunately, the theory doesn’t hold one main reason one can do more in bed.

“Lorenzo, let me conclude by saying that most high-level, beautiful sex takes place on the bed with a woman on her back- sans acrobatics!”